Intentions

“You kissed her?” I said halfheartedly.

“Yes.” He eyed me carefully and I saw him breathe deeply. I know he had been avoiding this conversation for this reason specifically, he was afraid to hurt me. I think he suspects that my feelings go deeper than I allow to show and they do. But I can’t do anything about it and he knows that. I am his superior, he is under my command. If I did anything to jeopardize our mission I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I sigh heavily, choosing my words carefully trying to mask my true feelings.

“What possessed you to kiss her?” My words spew out more harshly than I had intended. I look away from him, biting back my tears.

“I don’t know.” He exhales sharply, hurt from the stinging of my words still ringing in his ears. I wonder if he’s aware of how often I stare at his ears, wondering what they would taste like between my lips. I flush red, realizing that he’s looking back at me and a smile crosses my face. “What?” He asks confused, but he damn well knows what I was thinking about, a smug smile forming on his lips.

”Nothing.” I smile back and shift uncomfortably in my chair. Oh yeah I think he knows how I feel.

“It didn’t mean anything. I swear.” He tries giving me his boyish smile and I just roll my eyes, not convinced. “Elizabeth” He begins, but I don’t want to hear it.

“John, don’t.”

“I wasn’t my self.”

“Then what were you?”

“Drugged.”

“Sure you were.”

“I swear it! Even she was surprised when I kissed her and did not welcome my affections at all. There’s nothing going on between us. I don’t love her. She was just a good friend and a pretty face nearby when I got the urge to kiss her. I have never wanted to do that to her and I never would.” He pleads with me, hoping I will forgive him. I think he knows how much this hurt me, more than it should. I wish it was me he had kissed.

“This won’t happen again?”

“I swear it. Never again. I’ll never touch her again. I promise. It meant nothing to me. And to her.”

“John.” I stop him and he raises an eyebrow.

“Yes?”

“You’re rambling.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“Won’t happen again, I promise.” He wants to say more, but I stop him before I reveal too much of my own emotions towards him.

“Good. Dismissed.” He nods, standing up and leaving my office his steps a little more relaxed than they were when he first came in. I sigh, trying to get my emotions under control as my eyes travel up to his ass. He turns and smiles at me, winking, and I blush, turning my face back to my laptop on my desk. I am so screwed. He definitely knows now.